Here is a little bit of my story to give you a feel for what I bring to my sessions …..
For years I chased out-of-body experiences and spiritual highs, meditating for hours and going to great lengths to ascend and transcend this earthly existence.
I shut out my feelings – actually I tried but I couldn’t shut them out– I am such a deep feeler… so I felt them in private and felt ashamed of them and how “unspiritual” I was – I thought getting enlightened was about feeling happy/blissed out all the time! (erm…. no!)
Enter: Crash landing back to earth.
My spiritual aspirations to ascend and be saintly were so firm, that it was a huge surprise when my path took a very unexpected turn – back in and down into my body; right to the very heart of my pain, my pleasure and my physicality.
It was quite a rude awakening, to be confronted with my humanness (primarily through a series of relationship “disasters”, amongst other things) and all I had been avoiding while I’d somewhat disappeared into the “higher realms”. What I’ve come to realise, and as is taught in nondual traditions, there is no high/low, good/bad, light/dark… there simply is. And we – in all of our humanness – are at one with all that is.
It turns out – what I was looking for “out there” in the heavenly realms was much, much closer than I expected – startlingly so ! Right here, in my body- my flesh and bones. Living and breathing as this body!
And thus began the journey to fully accept my humanness; embracing the body I live in and the earth that is my home.
Now I recognise my humanity and physicality as divine. Grounding and connection to earth have been my biggest supports during this “descent”.
Those spiritual highs or “peak experiences” I used to seek can be hard to integrate, and taxing on our unprepared nervous systems.
It truly is in the daily grind – the moment-to-moment presence – noticing reactions as they arise; navigating the triggers that happen in our relationships, and truly “being in our body” is where healing happens…
….and more than anything – FEELING!
Yes – through feeling is the healing.
This includes the full range from agony to ecstasy and absolutely everything in between.
As we inhabit our bodies more feeling and give ourselves permission to feel – boy, do we feel! No wonder we avoid being in our bodies.
To return into the body requires immense patience, relentless compassion and courage. It means feeling the unfelt hurt, crying the uncried tears, and meeting parts of yourself that have been longing to be met by you – to be met with love.
It demands that we stay grounded so that we don’t become totally swept up in the highs and lows of feeling, so that we are connected to the true Source of our being as energy moves through our bodies as our emotions.
And when meet ourselves with love and stay grounded… oh glory… we gather all the pieces of ourself and we return home to ourselves, remembering our wholeness.
What is the alternative? … well – we all have our ways to avoid feeling. But the feelings just get pushed down and then we act out on them unconsciously, or we get sick, or something happens that forces us to look deeper.
The tensions and even the very subtle contractions in our body wreak havoc as they lurk in our unconscious … as we begin to do the work, Life generously offers situations and relationships – the kind of things we are tempted to label as “bad” or “misfortunate” that illuminate these programs and patterns that are causing us to suffer and stagnate – and provides us the opportunity to heal.
With this perspective, we can be truly grateful for the challenges life presents us. This has been my experience. Life has not gotten easier as I expected being devoted to a spiritual journey – but it has certainly gotten juicier, deep and more thrilling!
Spiritual paths of renouncing the world that include seclusion are for the rare few that are called to that, and I’ve seen a lot of disembodiment and spiritual bypassing happening in circles (heck – I’ve participated in these circles!) where true healing and appreciation of what it means to be human is denied or excluded from spiritual practice.
These days, my practice includes – and in fact emphasises my feelings, my relationships, my sexuality. My practice has included much more dance than asana these last two years. The way I move my body is much more shamanic, sensual, organic, primal and pleasurable.
The fruit: Freedom! This descent into my body which has been both ecstatic and incredibly challenging and has ultimately afforded greater freedom and deeper intimacy with myself.
When I am really and truly in touch with myself – when I truly meet myself and all that I am, I can meet others.
When I reveal myself with radical authenticity, others reflect back the same. My relationships are more deep and fulfilling than they’ve ever been.
Rather than seeking to ascend, I now desire to be deeply in myself, and to encourage my students to do the same; to inhabit my body and to feel every sensation as it arises. Even (and especially!) the uncomfortable ones.
My capacity to “go places” and bandwidth to feel is ever-expanding.
My ability to meet others – both friends and clients – with deep compassion and hold others through their own process is a direct reflection of what I’ve journeyed through myself.
And I haven’t been able to do it alone. Being met in presence by others has been an essential part of my journey, as I now realise healing does not happen in isolation – it happens in relationship. This was quite the lightbulb after spending years mostly in solitude!
My greatest support have come through close friendships (that have really only come into my life as I’ve gone deeper myself), through circles of women (one of the reasons I was so intent about offering circles for women this year!) but also through support from healers/therapists that Life so perfectly presented me with along the way.
Know that all of the spaces I hold and events I offer are spaces where all of you is welcome. Where deep authenticity is valued and a safe space is created where you can cultivate this fairly radical way of being … I also have space for private clients at the moment so do reach out if you feel drawn to work one-on-one with me.
I WELCOME YOU, dear one … all of you ! Thank you for being here. I hope to meet you soon.